Scanxiety

My thoughts are running rampant,

Jumping from one negative possibility,

To a possible,

Devastating reality,

In a never ending,

Cyclic void.

Ruminating,

Over the negative,

Possible realities.

Blind and avoidant,

Of all positive outcomes.

I cannot find calmness,

In my damaged brain,

That is rewired,

And short circuited,

As I will know the results soon,

Of my magnetic resonance imaging,

And I do not wish to blow,

Another fuse,

As it may be okay.

Even if the scans are clear,

I will always have this fear,

Of it reappearing.

This is worse than anxiety,

This is scanxiety.

Be bold.

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4 responses to “Scanxiety”

  1. Susie Smith Avatar
    Susie Smith

    Hi Becca,
    Sorry I haven’t been in touch sooner. You are on my mind and your words remind me of the incredibly strong woman you are, day in and day out. I can’t understand your journey and when I feel like I might, I am reminded of the expanse between my ability to understand and your daily reality of battle. You are an amazing warrior; know that to be true. And while I can’t truly know, I fully believe I can walk along side of you in prayer to offer support and friendship as you need it and want it. You are amazing. You are strong. You are never alone.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Becca DiValerio Avatar
      Becca DiValerio

      Susie,

      Thank you for always supporting me in my endeavors on this journey! You are strong in your own sense and everyone has their own mud pile they work through 💗 you’re always there, regardless of how often we chat and I appreciate you for that

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  2. Jerenice Avatar
    Jerenice

    It’s real scanxiety. Apart from fearing that the tumor is back, I have the added anxiety caused by extreme claustrophobic. Those MRI’s are traumatic. Just keep the faith. You have come a long way. This too shall pass.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Becca DiValerio Avatar
      Becca DiValerio

      You keep the faith too, I cannot imagine added claustrophobic on top. Thank you for the kindness. Keep on fighting 💪🏻

      Liked by 1 person

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