Growth

We are constantly evolving.

Sometimes it feels slow.

Other times it feels rapid.

Over the last 11 months,

I feel as if I’m just a shell,

A shell of who I once was.

This is necessarily good or bad,

I just think myself a year ago,

Would see a stark difference,

Between me then and me now.

Growth is strange,

Exciting,

Scary,

And liberating.

All at the same time.

A year ago,

I thought I was the healthiest I ever was.

Both mentally and physically.

I was hiking not only to be physically fit,

But mentally fit.

Being one with nature.

Grabbing life by the horns,

Doing things I thought were impossible,

Which also made my physical heath peak.

I was learning to get out of my own head.

Then, it changed.

I had to hit the restart button.

Growth reimagined.

I have learned a lot.

I have resifted my priorities.

Things I once viewed as normal,

And took it as a way of life,

We’re actually toxic.

Nothing in life should be toxic.

Nothing should negatively impact your mood,

Your mind,

Or impact your life to be unbearable at times.

This includes your friends,

Your family,

Your job,

Your hobbies,

Your thoughts.

It’s the mental toxicity that is deadly.

Deadlier than the radiation within my body.

Let it go.

Unselfishly put yourself first.

You have to understand yourself,

Before you can contribute to others growth.

I cannot tell you what my annual appointments hold,

Good?

Bad?

However, I’m here one year later.

With short term memory issues,

Depression,

Anxiety,

Executive functioning disorder/ADHD,

A few extra pounds from steroids,

Numbness in my face,

A scar.

However I’m also here,

Without a tumor,

Support,

From family & friends,

Old and new,

New life experiences,

Strength,

And Grit.

Still saying a big fuck you to brain tumors,

Cancer,

Radiation,

And medical bills.

Saying hello to,

New friends,

New connections,

And new friends through sharing my story.

Even the lowest parts of life,

Happen for a reason.

If life was easy,

There would be no stories to share,

No reason to keep going,

No reason to make connections.

Keep living, even when it sucks.

Growth is not linear.

Each plant grows different.

Water may not always come when needed,

Plants may start to die at points,

Regression,

Growth always comes after regression.

Hope.

Be bold.

#meningiomaawareness #lifeaftercancer #bebold #beccasjourney

3 responses to “Growth”

ROSEANN Squitiere

October 13, 2021 at 2:11 pm

My dear Rebecca,
As you ponder and reflect on what happened a year ago, I see and know that writing this blog has been a strength to understanding and growth that brings forth a special gift. A gift beyond the negative effects of such an illness. A gift to make right choices about life itself. A life that yields love and happiness.

We know how much you love your family, your extended family, and those who are so close to you. We believe that this love was a firm foundation from the start and the example that you experience in your home growing up. It has formed your beautiful personality of reaching out to others always giving love to those you who have met along the way.

It is easy to see that you are honest with yourself and take the time to look, discover, and reveal what you think, what you feel, and what you observe. It wasn’t easy to face the unknown or to experience the difficulties. I am so proud of you as you keep looking within and gain strength as you take the next steps then adjust as needed.

When we received word about what you were facing a year ago, we immediately prayed. We asked others to pray too. All of these prayer warriors continue to pray for you and your daily walk for we desire God to bless you and your loved ones beyond measure. It is our hope that you will be enriched by this experience and know that you are greatly loved as you continually share this journey with others so they may know how precious life is. You truly are a gift to us.

Love Always & Forever,
Mom-Mom & Pop-Pop

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sarahtomlinsonblog

October 25, 2021 at 1:50 pm

Ahhhh….great blog Becca. So true what you say about toxic. It was only when I learned about neurogenesis and everything that kills it that I gave it all up…caffine (once lived on this to keep going) like many others, refined sugar, toxic relationships, all kill our brain cells. Instead do more of what promtoes brain cells and survival of them (neurogenesis) happy relationships, good food, exercise, little TV and sitting down, be out in nature as much as possible and of course the best relationships of them all with our furry friends xxx xxxxx

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1. beccasmeningioma2journey
  
  October 26, 2021 at 10:22 am
  
  Sarah, thank you so much! You are such an inspiration also! I am striving to limit the caffeine too, I’m down to one cup of coffee a day but I have heard that too. We will have to talk about diets sometimes
  
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