Day 125.

My journey started October 27th, 2020.

125 days ago.

Over the past 125 days, I’ve learned a lot about myself, experienced a lot of new things, and learned to adapt constantly.

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I was told I had a large tumor that needed to be removed immediately that was found at my first CT scan.

I have had 5 MRI scans since finding the tumor.

I found out it was a meningioma that was 3x the average size. I also found out I am the small minority under the age of 60 with one of these tumors.

I had to try to collect myself over 5 days to go from being “healthy” to being “sickly”.

I had to think about my life. I had to reflect because there was a chance I would not wake up from my surgery or I could of became permanently disabled.

I had a craniotomy on 11/2/20.

I stayed two days in the ICU unit during a pandemic.

Three weeks post OP my meningioma was graded as an atypical grade II per the WHO.

However, on the mitotic scale it is so close to a grade III, the University of Penn classified their pathology as malignant.

November 28th, I was taken to the ICU because my heart rate kept spiking dangerously high. My body was shutting down due to the anti-seizure medicine I was on.

I was an insomniac, manic bio polar and suicidal when I was admitted.

I have been on sleeping pills since to make sure I’m getting enough brain rest.

My team said I had a 90% chance of regrowth in 7 years, 60% in 5 years without radiation.

After meeting with tons of radiation oncology teams I chose Proton beam radiation at the University of Pennsylvania.

January 8th was my first treatment and today, March 1st was my last treatment.

My hair starting falling out so I took charge and shaved it. Went purple when I was at it too because why not?

The last 8 weeks, every Monday through Friday (when Agatha was working) I was driving to the Perelman center for my treatments.

I am beyond blessed that I had a team of caring, fun, energetic employees that made what should of been a dreary experience great.

I adopted Clementine, my sweet lab/beagle/pitty mix, on January 16th. She really adopted me by making sure I’m staying active, healthy and sane.

I will be getting MRIs every 6 months for at least 5 years. I still have a high chance of regrowth and I have accepted that.

I had to balance my emotions from PTSD of everything changing.

I have not been back to work. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I have been balancing new medications with my team of doctors.

I have been on steroids with every negative side effect practically the whole time. From weight gain, anxiety, depression, acne, bloating, hair loss, etc. I am starting to wean now.

My healing is beginning, again.

The radiation will be in my body high still for 6 months. My brain can swell again once my body is freeing from the radiation.

I could have negative side effects from the radiation but I’m alive.

I was lucky enough to be given this second chance at life so young.

I will continue to share my journey as I have written a lot that I never posted when I was in my mania. I will share when the time is right.

My new baselines tests will not occur until mid April. I am due to heal until April 21st at the earliest.

However, psychologists say new habits can form within 100 days. Over these past 125 days I learned to take a step back and breath.

This is something I never did before. I was always on the go. Always feeling unaccomplished if I was taking time for myself. I over did. I overextended and I was destined to burn out sooner than later.

I started journaling again. I started zen meditation again.

If this is the habits I made and keep I am happy.

I picked up hiking before these 125 days I have been able to maintain. I’m going back to my college roots of my love for Taoism, being one with nature.

Today is just a stop on my journey. Day 125 was great.