Pouring Rain

Would you rather it drizzle on and off consistently or downpour all at once?

I have been weighing this questions with my medical journey all day today.

I’d rather it pour all at once.

In July, a small lump was found in my breast. Today was my 6 month follow up appointment. Tomorrow I now need a biopsy on said lump.

In November, my meningioma was considered benign. After further studies, it is malignant. The word cancer is thrown around.

On Christmas, when my MRI from 12/22 was examined, there was a tumor found on my paranoid gland.

As of now, we know nothing more about this tumor and I have some follow up appointments this week.

I am staying positive. I have overcome a lot thus far.

I am finally able to start working out again to fight the chronic fatigue I am struggling with.

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My proton radiation treatment starts Thursday.

I am thankful my insurance approved proton radiation instead of linac radiation. Proton thankfully has less side effects than linac.

To stay positive, I focus on the now. Not the negative future. As in I will always have issues in the future on this aggressive tumor, I may need more radiation three months after the current treatment, etc.

I wrote down a 2021 bucket list. Including small things such as reading a book and doing a local trail I’ve never hiked.

My first item is “to kick this meningioma’s ass”.

I also put my situation into perspective. I see the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of dollars my surgery, appointments, radiation, MRIs, etc are. I am grateful I have medical insurance to cover (most of) these costs.

I have paid into LTD and am able to continue to pay my bills. Even though I would rather be at work than at endless appointments or sleeping all day.

There are thousands of Americans uninsured and unemployed currently due to COVID-19.

How would someone who cannot afford healthcare be able to afford these costs?

They wouldn’t.

The number one reason in America people go bankrupt is due to medical expenses. I now understand why this is a constant theme in my Health care admin classes in my MBA.

Yes, I cry. Yes, I breakdown at points. I cannot be strong all of the time. However, most of the time I am. Perspective is everything.

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I know this road will not be easy. However, along the journey I am discovering new things about myself and my strength. What my limits are. Who are always in my corner.

I forget things more now due to the craniotomy and my brain healing. I’ve gained some of the weight I lost back due to the high dose steroids I was on. I am consistently tired. I have facial numbness. If I stand up too quick I see spots. I have consistent dry mouth since surgery, etc.

As I’ve said before, and I’ll say again now, healing is not linear.

We are all stronger than we think we are.

Welcome 2021 with open arms as time does not stop, it continues on.

Be bold.

#beccasjourney #bebold #meningioma #meningiomaawareness #cancerwarrior