Phoenix

So now starts the appointments with the radiologist oncologists. I must make a decision within the coming days of who will be doing my radiation as they want to start as soon as possible. Before 2021 if they can.

I will lose my hair. I am prepared for this. I will shave my head before radiation starts as I do not want to see my hair fall out in clumps. I need to be prepared.

I am told it won’t grow back for a few months post treatment but I am again prepared. Hair to me is a materialistic thing and will grow back.

I have already purchased some head scarfs and beanies to make it through. I think it will be badass & sad at the same time. I’ll look like 2009 Brittany. At least my mental health is better.

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I know my Grandmom Swayngim is screaming in heaven when she heard this as even after her strokes she always loved brushing my hair. She always loved my long hair. Dark brown.

Whenever I cut or dyed it I would say, “Gram it will grow back” and it always did. Until I broke her heart again.

My roommates and I can tell which year in college a photo is from due to my hair style.

I love my hair. I love styling it. Brushing it. Washing it. Going to the salon for a new style.

I feel like I use my hair at times to define me in that moment. I’ve had red hair, blonde hair, bangs, short hair, long hair, and even purplish hair.

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My shaved head will define me in this moment as a woman who does not feel let down that she doesn’t have her hair. I know people will stare but I will be bold. I will be strong.

This will make me realize I can look however I want and accept it. Self acceptance is always difficult. However over this period of time and of self reflection I realize none of what people see on the outside matters. It is about how it makes you feel.

When I wear a suit I feel powerful.

When I wear a dress I feel confident.

When I wear heels I feel like I have a new perspective on the world.

When I wear makeup I feel bold.

When I style my hair I feel productive.

Never care if you’re style does not match the trends. Be you. Be happy. Do not worry about the rest. Let’s be real, no one wants to be an influencer for a living selling others clothes.

Now, when I will look at my shaved head I will feel like the Phoenix who rose from the ashes.

I beat brain surgery on a type two meningioma. I had no symptoms. If it continued to go undiagnosed my outcome would have been different. I have good health insurance so I’m able to get the additional treatment needed. I have a wonderful support system. I am blessed.

Who cares about hair? I’ll rock the shaven head look and know it’s only a stop in my journey.

Be bold.

#meningioma #beccasjourney #bebold #meningiomaawareness #meningiomawarrior